Ya know, I used to care about other people. I was full of mercy, and I loved listening to them tell whatever stories they had. But I don't know where that went. My mercy is not really present. I feel more bitterness now than ever - I feel more cycnical - I feel less caring and I don't feel like me.
I brush off your words, another's feelings are so abstract.
Feeling pushed away to often from others, I've pushed myself away from their words. Words that are seemingly meaningless to me.
I've pushed away from soo much more than words - but also from the only One who can truly love. Too many stupid human wounds, too many stupid free-will choices and too many times of thinking I can do it on my own.
So here I stand (though it's hardly a stance) on my own - not even knowing who I am. Feeling pain, feeling hurt, feeling like I drug myself down to the bottom of the pit with no ladder to get out. Longing to feel the physical pain of my emotional and moral turmoil. Wanting to run and hide from those i have hurt and let down. Caring about little but still not wanting to let go.
Holding on to all that has hurt me and brought me to this place. Desperate to feel something new. Hoping that this time it will be different. Knowing the journey will be long.
