Why in the world I'm up before 10 on a Saturday, I am not sure but alas here I am. I made some coffee and muffins and sat down with my Bible. I read some of Paul's letters and then decided to pick up something from the old testament; lucky me, I had left off in Leviticus. I was reading about the feasts and sacrifices and thinking about how crazy that would be if we still had to abide by those laws today. I thanked God for sending us His son as our forever sacrifice. I do wonder though, if God has waited to send Jesus, would we still all be farming? Would there have been a "delay" in the advancement of technology?? It just created a very interesting picture in my mind.
But, thinking about "what if's" is not always something great, and I kept reading. In the back of my head I was thinking about this book I had been reading "love is an orientation" and how the author explains how to look at New Testament passages without completely ignoring the old law. And I get to chapter 24 of Leviticus, when a person blasphemes the Lord, and is held in prison until the Lord has clearly spoken to Moses. (which is also awesome - how many times could I make a better decision if I waited for the Lord to clearly speak to me instead of just jumping to conclusions or deciding for myself what I should do). And then God spoke and told the village to take him outside the walls and stone the man who blasphemed. hold up God. Wait just a cotton pickin' minute (that's what I thought to myself). You, the God of grace, abounding in love, slow to anger, and full of mercy want them to stone this guy just cuz he called you a name?? And I thought I had a problem with jealousy!! Then I started to think about how angry God really is in the old testament - flooding the earth, banning Cain, making women barren, telling people to take an eye for an eye and creating lots of laws. For cry eye, no wonder people think so poorly of Him at time. (don't worry I got good things out of this...just wait). And I realized that God kinda used the animals and the sacrifices as scapegoats. As a person sacrificed the animal, I think God allowed his anger on that person (for their wrong doings) to also be released. Maybe that is why there were so many different types of sacrifices, cuz people did a lot of things that were wrong and that upset God. But I can only imagine the way that God might have felt- after making a beautiful creation and all these people only for them to hate each other and not love Him. Not to mention that God was doing this all on His own from heaven - sure He had the angels and the trinity has always existed but there was nothing tangible for the people to see. How could God show His love if he was constantly disciplining. So then God sends us His son, Jesus, to be that tangible something. TO show us the compassion that God has, to show the love and the grace and the mercy and all those things that can be difficult to show through discipline. But Jesus does more than that. Not only does he show those things, he is the ultimate and biggest scape goat. God was able to take out all of his anger at the world, all of his sadness, all of his discipline out on one person. One man to take on the sins of the world - what a responsibility. What a man Jesus was to be able to take it all. To realize that he, Jesus, was helping his Father to illustrate love, and show the world how great God truly is. After the new covenant is made God still disciplines us but look at how different it is from the old testament discipline. Because God is able to look at us through his son now. God was able to say everything he needed to say, more or less.
Just the other day Rob and I were talking. And though I have been trying to release many harboring thoughts, i still have some. I still have anger and hurt that I've held on to. So he has given me an exercise to try, that is essentially the same as what I just mentioned above. To take an stick like object and to go out where no one else is around. To say positive affirmations, that are the opposite of the the anger and hurt, and to hit the ground as hard as I can each time I say those positive affirmations. TO use the ground and the stick as my scapegoat, to take it out on something that can handle it. I can just imagine God, up in heaven, every time something horrible happened to Jesus, each lash of the whip, of God crying and saying "I love you", "I want what is best for you", "you don't need your addictions", "I will help you stop selling yourself" and thousands and millions of other positive affirmations about His son and His people and His creation.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Harboring
When I think of harboring, I think of a boat pulling into the harbor to be tied up to a dock, or anchored down in a specific location with other boats. And the boat just sits there, unable to go anywhere or do anything until its owner comes back, unties the boat and takes it out for a drive. When the drive is over the boat returns the the harbor. Fortunately for boats they don't have feelings or get bored with being in the same spot.
For me, this illustrates the workings of a persons mind. The boats represents our thoughts- ya know those things that we think about then store (harbor if you will) in our brains. And just like the boats, until we untie the thought and take it out for a spin, it just sits there and often festers. When a thought just sits in our brain it is useless to us. After reading "battlefield of the mind" I truely believe that our harbored thoughts are were satan looks to the most; looking to see what hasn't been brought up in a while- making it easier for him to twist and distort the thought into tosmething it was never meant to be. OR, when thoughts are harbored they just aren't dealt with. When a person has been hurt and does not take the time to deal with the hurt, the hurt just sits there. It's easy to think that you've moved on, or that something/someone else has replaced that hurt. That is, until, someone else hurts you and that initial hurt is suddenly flung forward; as if the speed boat has been untied with the motor running and no one is driving the boat. There is not telling what will come next, who will get crashed into and what damage will be done. Suddenly this little hurt that was harbored and ignored feels multiplied and it has now consumed your thoughts. Now not just one or two people have hurt you - suddenly everyone has. It doesn't matter if you have known a person for one day, you are convinced that they are out to get you, they looked at you funny, they were starring at your desk, wanting a ride to work everyday, and on and on.
How easy it is to blow things out of proportion; especially when thoughts are harbored up in our head.
I will admit, that I have a problem with harboring. IT has become ridiculously apparent to me over the last couple months. I think that the reason it became apparent was that I had run out of places to harbor more thoughts and I was having a difficult time talking nicely about people.
I have harbored thoughts about "how my mother acts" from the time I was old enough to remember. Every time that she would have a few drinks and seemingly make fun of me, when she thought it was odd that I volunteered, when she said that I could have whatever faith i wanted as long as I didn't shove it down her throat, when she refuses to come to church with me, when she would forget to send my credit card statements, when she tried to tell me that I didn't need to be helping my cousin, when she didn't notice I had lost 20 pounds or that I wanted to kill myself because I refused to show any feelings....
I have harbored thoughts about my friends when they don't return phone calls, have to cancel plans, when they refuse to make plans, when they seemingly call only when they need things, when they turn their backs on everything they believed in, about the conversations that we have, when we just grow apart...
I have harbored thoughts about my father when he was always working, how he refuses to stop smoking or take care of his weight, when he asks ridiculous questions that make me feel like I'm incapable or doing things on my own, when he tells me not to shove my faith down his throat, when he lets his mother guilt him and the rest of us around, when he doesn't ask me and just tells me....
I have harbored thoughts about my co-workers when they are late, when they don't plan an activity, when they don't talk to me, when they tell me their life story, when they make scheduling difficult, when they whine, when they tattle, when they breathe wrong ....
And what is sadly intriguing is that I never ask them (my mother, father, friends or co-workers) why they made those choices, I rarely ask for clarification, I don't take into account everything else that could be going on at the time (at least not immediately), I just harbor. I take each act as an attack against me and I harbor it in this place inside of me. I harbor it to the point where I can't have a conversation with any of them- my words are short and sharp and dripping with an intent to hurt. They are oozing with the hopes that the other person will realize the wrong that they have done to me. Piercing in ways that not even a knife could hurt. Like I'm setting them up for a trap - it doesn't matter what they say. I've made their anchors heavier than the boat itself from all the harboring, and it just starts to sink - the problem is that I get pulled down with it.
So what do I get from harboring? I get bitterness. I get to feel alone in a world that is already cold which leads to me being along because I won't give anyone the chance to talk. It leaves me feeling "why me?". And the fact is that none of my harbored thoughts are really that bad, almost none of them are attacks against me. Life happens, yet I continue to turn the pain inwards and make it about me. Which I believe, makes harboring a condition of the heart.
Despite years of counseling and "self help" books and amazing friends - there is still something inside of my heart that I have not let go of or that I have not figured out just yet. There is something that I have not turned over to God, something that satan has been having a field day with. As I wrote that, I feel as though I still crave to do everything on my own. For so long, all I had was myself to push me, and those that were closest to me (esp those after i came to Christ) were the ones who hurt me the most, tore my heart up like no other. And I think that I harbor those thoughts and they have created a fear inside of me, a fear of letting others get close enough to do the same thing. So, in order to make sure I could do it by myself, I sub consciously kept people away by harboring thoughts to create walls.
Father God, I pray that you would help me to no longer harbor my thoughts. Lord, that I may open my mouth and release them to you. God that I was allow people to clarify and that I would not take every action from others as though it is against myself. Father that I would cease to be bitter with those who are trying to be in my life, regardless of what may have happened in the past. Jesus may you provide opportunities for me to put this in practice. May I not allow the actions of others to impede the acts that you have given me to do. Lord may I have strength from you as I work through this and wisdom to know if I'm headed in the right direction. In your Son's precious name. Amen.
For me, this illustrates the workings of a persons mind. The boats represents our thoughts- ya know those things that we think about then store (harbor if you will) in our brains. And just like the boats, until we untie the thought and take it out for a spin, it just sits there and often festers. When a thought just sits in our brain it is useless to us. After reading "battlefield of the mind" I truely believe that our harbored thoughts are were satan looks to the most; looking to see what hasn't been brought up in a while- making it easier for him to twist and distort the thought into tosmething it was never meant to be. OR, when thoughts are harbored they just aren't dealt with. When a person has been hurt and does not take the time to deal with the hurt, the hurt just sits there. It's easy to think that you've moved on, or that something/someone else has replaced that hurt. That is, until, someone else hurts you and that initial hurt is suddenly flung forward; as if the speed boat has been untied with the motor running and no one is driving the boat. There is not telling what will come next, who will get crashed into and what damage will be done. Suddenly this little hurt that was harbored and ignored feels multiplied and it has now consumed your thoughts. Now not just one or two people have hurt you - suddenly everyone has. It doesn't matter if you have known a person for one day, you are convinced that they are out to get you, they looked at you funny, they were starring at your desk, wanting a ride to work everyday, and on and on.
How easy it is to blow things out of proportion; especially when thoughts are harbored up in our head.
I will admit, that I have a problem with harboring. IT has become ridiculously apparent to me over the last couple months. I think that the reason it became apparent was that I had run out of places to harbor more thoughts and I was having a difficult time talking nicely about people.
I have harbored thoughts about "how my mother acts" from the time I was old enough to remember. Every time that she would have a few drinks and seemingly make fun of me, when she thought it was odd that I volunteered, when she said that I could have whatever faith i wanted as long as I didn't shove it down her throat, when she refuses to come to church with me, when she would forget to send my credit card statements, when she tried to tell me that I didn't need to be helping my cousin, when she didn't notice I had lost 20 pounds or that I wanted to kill myself because I refused to show any feelings....
I have harbored thoughts about my friends when they don't return phone calls, have to cancel plans, when they refuse to make plans, when they seemingly call only when they need things, when they turn their backs on everything they believed in, about the conversations that we have, when we just grow apart...
I have harbored thoughts about my father when he was always working, how he refuses to stop smoking or take care of his weight, when he asks ridiculous questions that make me feel like I'm incapable or doing things on my own, when he tells me not to shove my faith down his throat, when he lets his mother guilt him and the rest of us around, when he doesn't ask me and just tells me....
I have harbored thoughts about my co-workers when they are late, when they don't plan an activity, when they don't talk to me, when they tell me their life story, when they make scheduling difficult, when they whine, when they tattle, when they breathe wrong ....
And what is sadly intriguing is that I never ask them (my mother, father, friends or co-workers) why they made those choices, I rarely ask for clarification, I don't take into account everything else that could be going on at the time (at least not immediately), I just harbor. I take each act as an attack against me and I harbor it in this place inside of me. I harbor it to the point where I can't have a conversation with any of them- my words are short and sharp and dripping with an intent to hurt. They are oozing with the hopes that the other person will realize the wrong that they have done to me. Piercing in ways that not even a knife could hurt. Like I'm setting them up for a trap - it doesn't matter what they say. I've made their anchors heavier than the boat itself from all the harboring, and it just starts to sink - the problem is that I get pulled down with it.
So what do I get from harboring? I get bitterness. I get to feel alone in a world that is already cold which leads to me being along because I won't give anyone the chance to talk. It leaves me feeling "why me?". And the fact is that none of my harbored thoughts are really that bad, almost none of them are attacks against me. Life happens, yet I continue to turn the pain inwards and make it about me. Which I believe, makes harboring a condition of the heart.
Despite years of counseling and "self help" books and amazing friends - there is still something inside of my heart that I have not let go of or that I have not figured out just yet. There is something that I have not turned over to God, something that satan has been having a field day with. As I wrote that, I feel as though I still crave to do everything on my own. For so long, all I had was myself to push me, and those that were closest to me (esp those after i came to Christ) were the ones who hurt me the most, tore my heart up like no other. And I think that I harbor those thoughts and they have created a fear inside of me, a fear of letting others get close enough to do the same thing. So, in order to make sure I could do it by myself, I sub consciously kept people away by harboring thoughts to create walls.
Father God, I pray that you would help me to no longer harbor my thoughts. Lord, that I may open my mouth and release them to you. God that I was allow people to clarify and that I would not take every action from others as though it is against myself. Father that I would cease to be bitter with those who are trying to be in my life, regardless of what may have happened in the past. Jesus may you provide opportunities for me to put this in practice. May I not allow the actions of others to impede the acts that you have given me to do. Lord may I have strength from you as I work through this and wisdom to know if I'm headed in the right direction. In your Son's precious name. Amen.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Redefining Love
So I've been reading this book called Love Is an Orientation...and it pretty much rocks. I came to a chapter titled "reclaiming the word love: measurable unconditional behaviors" and I was just in awe over it. The book was written by a man, andrew martin, who has the desire to bridge the gap between the christian and the GLBT community. Though he is specifically talking to this relationship I think if you read it and just take a step back you will see a new way for love to be handled between any group of peoples/individuals.
Here it is:
There’s a fourth ideal that gets overlooked, an udeal that is not based on sex: Its OK to be yourself before God and not conform to any of the other three ways that seem ideal to the outside world. {referring to the GLBT community and the Chrisitian Community specifically}. The fourth ideal communicates God’s acceptance, validation, affirmation and unconditional love in meeting people as they are, where they are. … It’s an ideal focused on an identity in Christ rather than behavior – straight, gay or celibate – as the judge of one’s acceptability.(102-103)
One summer evening, I was reading an interview with Billy Grahm’s daughter. She was telling some of her fondest memories about her dad and recalled one time in particular, when the Graham family was attending a rally in support of President Bill Clinton after his sex scandal was made public. A reporter asked Billy Graham, ‘Why are you here supporting this man after everything he has done to this country?’ Reverend Grahm’s answer was succinct, powerful and true. ‘It is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, God’s job to judge and my job to love.
…It’s not the job of the Christians to convict the GLBT community. That’s the Holy Spirit’s job. It’s the job of Christians to love the GLBT community in a way that is tangible, measurable and unconditional – whether we see our version of ‘change’ happening or not.
That realization has led to my new definition of love: tangible and measurable expressions of one’s unconditional behaviors toward another. My experience has revealed that in the minds of the GLBT people, the word love has been rendered conditional: ‘I will love you if I see you do…,or act like…, or sexually change…” Someone can say the words ‘I love you’ until that person is blue in the face, but it will not matter one bit unless there are measurable, unconditional behaviors attached to those words. My friends, my wife and my family will know that I love them not because I say so but because I show who I am to them by what I do for them.
…
What do these thangible, measurable and unconditional behaviors look like? They are a nonjudgmental safe place – an environment that fosters a trustworthy relationship with someone else. Love is a walk, a hug, a dinner, an ear, a fun trip- all free of the condemning and ostracizing that the GLBT person ‘knows’ is coming from Christians. This type of love says that no matter who you are, no matter what you do or no matter what you say I have your back, and I refuse to give up – whether or not there’s ‘change’ – because my Father [referring to God] will never give up on me.
…
The Bible is full of stories that teach us how to love, instead of just giving us instructions on how to verbally communicate love. Love is to be an action – not a word. Love is recognizing the power of Christ to do what we could only imagine, like physically going to him with the faith of a Roman centurion – greater than all other faith in Isreal. Love is stepping outside the boat to meet your Savior by walking on water, when every ounce of your body is telling you otherwise. Love is boldly pouring expensive perfume on Jesus’ feet when indeed, the poor could have benefited from the money of its potential sale. Love is cutting a hole in a roof and lowering your crippled friend to Jesus when there are no other accessible means to the one who can heal. Love is a poor widow dropping all she has – two very small copper coins worth nothing – into God’s treasury with no guarantee she’ll make it another day. Love is stepping out of all cultural norms to help a beaten-up man lying on the side of the street, despite the fact that his culture despises yours. And love is being the first one to drop the stone because you know your life and sins are no less than any other.
The one thing all of these examples have in common is that they’re acts of love around Jesus, not acts of Jesus himself. We have the power to counterculturally love through our tabgible, measurable and unconditional actions louder than any words could ever be spoken – as Jesus is ever presently there with us in the fay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community.
**can't you just imagine a world where everyone loved this way?**
Here it is:
There’s a fourth ideal that gets overlooked, an udeal that is not based on sex: Its OK to be yourself before God and not conform to any of the other three ways that seem ideal to the outside world. {referring to the GLBT community and the Chrisitian Community specifically}. The fourth ideal communicates God’s acceptance, validation, affirmation and unconditional love in meeting people as they are, where they are. … It’s an ideal focused on an identity in Christ rather than behavior – straight, gay or celibate – as the judge of one’s acceptability.(102-103)
One summer evening, I was reading an interview with Billy Grahm’s daughter. She was telling some of her fondest memories about her dad and recalled one time in particular, when the Graham family was attending a rally in support of President Bill Clinton after his sex scandal was made public. A reporter asked Billy Graham, ‘Why are you here supporting this man after everything he has done to this country?’ Reverend Grahm’s answer was succinct, powerful and true. ‘It is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, God’s job to judge and my job to love.
…It’s not the job of the Christians to convict the GLBT community. That’s the Holy Spirit’s job. It’s the job of Christians to love the GLBT community in a way that is tangible, measurable and unconditional – whether we see our version of ‘change’ happening or not.
That realization has led to my new definition of love: tangible and measurable expressions of one’s unconditional behaviors toward another. My experience has revealed that in the minds of the GLBT people, the word love has been rendered conditional: ‘I will love you if I see you do…,or act like…, or sexually change…” Someone can say the words ‘I love you’ until that person is blue in the face, but it will not matter one bit unless there are measurable, unconditional behaviors attached to those words. My friends, my wife and my family will know that I love them not because I say so but because I show who I am to them by what I do for them.
…
What do these thangible, measurable and unconditional behaviors look like? They are a nonjudgmental safe place – an environment that fosters a trustworthy relationship with someone else. Love is a walk, a hug, a dinner, an ear, a fun trip- all free of the condemning and ostracizing that the GLBT person ‘knows’ is coming from Christians. This type of love says that no matter who you are, no matter what you do or no matter what you say I have your back, and I refuse to give up – whether or not there’s ‘change’ – because my Father [referring to God] will never give up on me.
…
The Bible is full of stories that teach us how to love, instead of just giving us instructions on how to verbally communicate love. Love is to be an action – not a word. Love is recognizing the power of Christ to do what we could only imagine, like physically going to him with the faith of a Roman centurion – greater than all other faith in Isreal. Love is stepping outside the boat to meet your Savior by walking on water, when every ounce of your body is telling you otherwise. Love is boldly pouring expensive perfume on Jesus’ feet when indeed, the poor could have benefited from the money of its potential sale. Love is cutting a hole in a roof and lowering your crippled friend to Jesus when there are no other accessible means to the one who can heal. Love is a poor widow dropping all she has – two very small copper coins worth nothing – into God’s treasury with no guarantee she’ll make it another day. Love is stepping out of all cultural norms to help a beaten-up man lying on the side of the street, despite the fact that his culture despises yours. And love is being the first one to drop the stone because you know your life and sins are no less than any other.
The one thing all of these examples have in common is that they’re acts of love around Jesus, not acts of Jesus himself. We have the power to counterculturally love through our tabgible, measurable and unconditional actions louder than any words could ever be spoken – as Jesus is ever presently there with us in the fay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community.
**can't you just imagine a world where everyone loved this way?**
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