I Know it Means Something

I know that not every dream means something; but I do believe they can. For me, I know that I wake feeling a little bit different, I remember the dream a little different, and details are more clear after I have a dream with a message. In the last few weeks I have had 2 dreams that are meant to tell me something. I sense the generalities, the warnings and the concepts that are portrayed to me, but I am having one heck of a time pinpointing any specifics. So, I thought I would share them.

The first one: I was at a house on ocean (though it looked more like a lake) front property. I was out swimming, fairly far out but not like in the middle of the lake- I was close enough to yell to the people on shore but probably far enough away from them to actually know what was going on type of thing. There was also someone else out in the water with me but initially they were a distance away from me. Anyway, I saw the fins of different types of fish on the water. The water was dark (like I said it was more like a lake) and the fins were black. I was convinced (and was logical in the dream) that these were large angel fish and that I was going to enjoy swimming with them. Well, as they started to swim closer, I realized that they were not angel fish; rather they were sharks! The majority of the sharks swam past me but one decided that I looked like a delicious treat and he began to nibble on my leg. That’s really all I remember. I don’t remember if I yelled for help, if the other person in the water was by me, or what happened once I got back to the shore. All I know is that it just took a couple nibbles but didn’t kill me.

Number 2: I was back in high school and part of some band (marching or concert) and we had driven in large busses with all our equipment from our school to another location. (side note: I am not sure why this is such a common time period and activity that occurs in my dreams). I had a handful of equipment and was walking it through the school. As I was walking there was place where we had to walk out of the school and then back in. During this path there was a small stream (I can’t remember if there was ice frozen around it- I think there was) Anyway, on either side of the stream were also goats (why wouldn’t there be at a school). With the equipment in my hands, I had to walk across this unsteady ground while pushing goats out of my way. Not sure what was on the other side of the path because half way through the really short path I switched to another scene. I was standing on a ledge, inside a building. (I don’t remember if I was trying to pass things through a window, clean, get through the window and out of the room- for some reason the last one seems to ring a bell). As I was standing on the ledge there was a black pig in the room (again why not?) who was standing on his hind legs and trying to knock me off the ledge with his front legs. The pig was trying to bite at my feet and scratch with claws that I couldn’t see but were leaving scratch marks on my bare feet.

So, just thought I would share those and see if anyone gets some insight :-)

it's like that dream

A few weeks ago I had a strange dream: which for me is not all that unusual, in fact it is common. However, what was unusual about this dream was the direct real life application of it.

The dream began and I was a student, I believe, at a facility like Mooseheart and we were in a cafeteria type setting. I am not sure what it was that had me so upset, in my dream, but I was at my wits end. I started to run away from my ‘teachers’ and I was evading their attempts to tackle me. They were starting to close in on me so I jumped on the tables; destroying and scattering everything. After I jumped around on the tables and scattered everything on them, I jumped off the table and let them catch me. They wanted to cart me away to another room to talk to me. I felt bad that the other people who had to clean up the mess so I asked if I could help and then go away to the other room. My teacher allowed me to help clean up. Just as I was finishing the cleaning my friend Bekah came up to me and hugged me. I just started to cry. She asked me why I did it and I told her that I was just so tired, fed up, and had to get my frustrations out. Then she asked me if I felt better and I said that I did. I then told her “watch me, I’m going to go and suck up now”. I proceeded to go “check in” with the man that wanted to take me to another room. He began to talk to me but he was mumbling, walking away and not making sense.

I woke up and thought ‘crap, how often life is like that’. We get upset or annoyed, freak out, and create a mess that is going to take the help of other to clean up. As we clean up and even start to walk away, often we still aren’t even sure where it is that we are supposed to be headed. How easily we forget that one tantrum can affect so many people, that messes take a while to clean up and that we are further way from where we originally wanted to go anyway.

messy people create messy places

People are imperfect and messy – always have been, always will be; even the Bible tells us that we all fall short. Thus, by extension, anything that people do or become involved with will be messy and imperfect: relationships, jobs, organizations, wild life, family, and even churches. There is no way around it, not in the world as we know it. Sure the heads of churches can implement things to eliminate some of the messiness- having boards of directors, accountability, boundaries and the like; however, it is still a messy imperfect person holding another messy imperfect person accountable. You see what I mean? There’s no end to the cycle.
Now, there are churches that are more open about their messiness and imperfections; personally I think that says volumes to their character. When any organization is open about their mess and imperfections it is likely that they will actually be less messy, though still imperfect. Why? Because when your mess is in front of everyone you are more likely to clean it up instead of hiding it; which as history and life shows us causes a bigger mess. The Bible talks about this too, to bring the darkness into the light. The darkness and the mess will never go away, not in this life. So ya, churches are going to be messy- some to the point of corruption and some with just a few broken lamps.
And what will your response be to the mess? Will you cast yet another judgment their way: to the entire church? Will you focus on the mess and not be able to see past it? Will you hold it against the church for the rest of your life? Will you go? Will you love the people and embrace the mess? Will you just pretend it doesn’t exist? Will you just substitute your own reality? Your response to another’s mess affects your mess and speaks to your character as well.
Now there are some churches whose messes have violated ethical and legal boundaries; that is a whole nother can of worms. However, that still does not give anyone the right to cast judgment at them. There will always be consequences for our actions; and regardless of what they are everyone still needs to be respected.
I realize the possible implications of what I just said, but I stand by them nonetheless. For a long time I wanted to work with people in prison who had done jacked up things to other people. Why? Because they are broken people- just like the rest of us. I don’t think that anyone is broken beyond repair, if you will. I think that some of us are broken and don’t want repair, are afraid of repair, don’t think we are worth repair, don’t realize we can have repair, and such. I’m not saying it wouldn’t take a long time, years or even decades. But I believe that everyone deserves to know that they have the ability to be less broken and change; should they choose to pursue that is another story entirely. After all, who are we to create a hierarchy of sin or wrongness? Stealing and rape are both wrong, that’s the bottom line.
All of that to say that it is easy to visit a church, or hear about a church, and cast judgment upon them. To pick the church apart because of one thing or another and cast them aside because they weren’t perfect. To say that a church is hypocritical and never want anything to do with churches. There will never be a perfect church, that gets everything right all the time, that is everything we want and expect a church to be. There will always be something, someone or some incident that will be a blemish; but that doesn’t necessarily mean that entire church is worthless, nor does it mean that all churches are worthless. It is very similar to loving people – to love them regardless!

Anti Cookie Cutter

Cookie Cutters- pieces of plastic or metal that are predesigned and premade, they are designed for the purpose of creating something (usually cookies) to all look the same. To make it easier for the baker and to ensure that all the pieces look the same. Now, while this is wonderful for baking or making molds or houses or any stuff like that, it is boring and mundane.
So, what I want to know (kind of) is who had the genius idea to create cookie cutters for people? I suppose that I could be more specific: why have we (society) created a cookie cutter Christian? Think about it. When you think about a person who is a Christian – you have a certain set of ideals, actions, activities, likes, dislikes, attire and music that initially pop into your mind. On the one hand, that is understandable, you take in the people that you know and you create stereotype: that is pretty natural.
However, what is not natural, is the cookie cutter that comes from within the church. When a church makes you feel like there is a list of things that you need to do in order to be accepted. When it makes you feel that you need to act a certain way, say certain things, hang out with certain people and on and on and on. It makes my heart hurt. There is no cookie cutter for people!! There is nothing that you have to do- just love the Lord and believe in Him and Jesus. And even if you don’t believe that, you should still be welcome into any church – there should not ever be a cookie cutter scanner at the doorway of a church that only makes certain people feel welcome. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. That being said I want to apologize and stand in any gap for any time a church or a Christian has made you feel that you are not good enough, or worth their time, or made you feel uncomfortable with your life, or anything. Really, I’m serious. I know that I can’t take anything you’ve been told, called or felt back. I can’t change it, but I want to apologize anyway. And if there is something that I can do, just let me know.


Life is messy. Cookie cutters can’t handle messes. Some days are bad and you struggle to find the good in them. People will make you angry, they will hurt you and make you never want to trust them or anyone else again. Sadness is real. Events in our lives don’ t make sense. We will never, in this life, understand why justice seems so far away. It is impossible to help everyone, and some days it feels like it is impossible help anyone. Hearts break. Loved ones are lost. Breaks can seemingly take forever to be caught. What happens to you might not be fair. When life gets messy you might want to swear, hit things, run away, cry, scream, have a drink, smoke something, be alone, sing, dance, be surrounded by people, be angry with God or goodness knows what else. And in all honesty, your reaction, whatever it is, is okay. Your reaction doesn’t make you any less of a person or any more of a person for that matter. More importantly, I think, is your honesty.
All that to say, forget the cookie cutter. Forget that it might have once existed. Forget the people who told you or made you feel you ever needed to fit into one. Just forget it. There’s no place for cookie cutters in this world :-)