I have a few thoughts that are seeming to merge together, that are going to be difficult to articulate, but I'm going to give it a whirl.
The question on my mind this week is - how can two people pray similar prayers yet receive completely different answers? As I went to CA I was experiencing this situation in a relationship, and it totally threw me for a loop. It really did rock my faith, because I thought that I was earnestly praying and hearing God but at the same time my "friend" also believed he was earnestly seeking and hearing God; except I would hear "no" and he would hear "yes". There were way more situations in this particular relationship but the short story is we were each continually hearing different messages from God. But, the relationship ended and I eventually let go of it all. Until I entered a different relationship and was, at times, experiencing this same situation. The second time it was not occurring as often but it was still occurring.
The other day, I remembered something that a friend had told me "The only thing your relationships have in common is you." Now, at this point my friend and I were talking more about the woman who complain that X, Y and Z always happens to them. But, the thought was still running through my head.
So, inside my lovely little head, the wheels began to crank and turn. I began to think about discernment. In the end, that's what it comes down to - being able to discern what is from God and what comes from other sources. So, how do you know if you have discernment or if you are correctly discerning what you hear/what's around you? And I remembered that Christianity was never meant to be a walk alone. Not only is it a walk with God, but it's also a walk with other believers. In our walk we are to surround ourselves with those that are wiser than us - Titus 2 - and to seek their counsel. We can all point out and identify people in our lives who we believe to be spiritually mature, and we go to them for advice on what to do in our lives. We ask people to assist us in prayer. If we are walking with a group of believers, and praying together we have other people to run our ideas past. It almost seems like, if the people around us (that we feel are spiritually mature) are reaching the same conclusions about our situations, that we ourselves are discerning correctly. That makes sense but it seems kinda technical and formulated. I don't know. There are some things where discernment can be checked to scripture but God doesn't tell us which job to take or which person to date.
The other part of discernment that I began to think of was prayer and the communication with God. It's easier to talk than listen - and for myself, I know that I have this problem when it comes to God. I tell God everything, and I do try to open my heart up, but I don't think I'm always truly humble. It's hard, there's always my pride to get in the way. How can I be sure that I'm out of the way of my prayers? I don't know. It's hard for me to not try and take the wheel of my life and direct it - cuz I think I'm a pretty fair director. But then I look at some of the things I have done in my life and I begin to think that I may not have always been the best director....maybe I don't really know what's best. Then comes the pride saying "of course you know what's best" and thus the cycle continues.
After all of that, I thought again about hearing 2 messages from one source. And I concluded, at least for these situations, that all involved persons were in the way of our prayers. That each of us wanted something that we weren't really willing to give up or change, and though we prayed for God's will that we each secretly held on to our own. Really, that seems to be the only "logical" reasoning. Now, how do you address that sort of a situation without sounding arrogant, I think that's a whole nother thought process that I'll go thru in the weeks to come.
I think I've given myself enough to chew on - pride and getting out of the way of my prayers.
1 comment:
Whoa . many words and deep thoughts. I like though :) I didn't know you had an actual blog...I saw your poetry one, I love it hehe. But don't worry, I love this one too.
"though we prayed for God's will that we each secretly held on to our own" --good point :) It's very true. I have that issue haha, but doesn't everyone?
ANYWAY, the point for my message was to say thanks for the comment on my blog and thanks for actually giving me a good answer that took time :)
Miss talking to you.
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