The thoughts have been racing. self reflection. remembering previous sermons. watching my friends. self reflection. daily living. repeat. re loop. readjust. I'm honestly surprised that my brain hasn't burst - yet I've remained completely calm to those around me. I've actually written several poems this last week - which, for me, is slightly odd. I was kind of excited about the most recent one I posted because it was optimistic, it had meaning yet as I wrote it, the words didn't hit me. There wasn't a release. But then I was talking with a friend tonight - and the mess, the choas, the behind the scenes thoughts came to surface.
I splurged out something like this:
**I've discovered I'm impatient and I have a hard time thinking that there is someone better out there {referring to past boy friends}. I'm afraid to let go of what I know won't work in fear of there being nothing else or nothing better. Somewhere deep down I truly know that giving it all to God is the only way to get better, but somewhere on the surface are all these scars and bruises and pains that aren't letting me get deep down into my heart. I'm my own worst enemy. It's like when you get hurt physically all you can focus on is that pain. All I've been focusing on is the emotional turmoil - most of which I've put myself through, going for guys that like to drink, or smoke, that don't even like my name, that keep me b/c they know I'll always be there and the like. It's like I locked myself in a porta potty and asked someone to tip it over on me and continually rolled in my own crap.**
Last week my friend Angie asked me if I'd be willing to not talk to boys about relationships for a week, and commit this matter to the Lord. I agreed, nervously, but I agreed. But for the first time since I've been back at my parent's time got in the way - or I got in my own way. It was my worst week of devotionals/quiet times and by far my worst week of prayer. My brain seemingly refused to be still and listen. The word that kept coming to mind was "fear" but I still don't know why.
I know that I usually write about what I've studied or heard about - but somehow this seems appropriate to put here.
I think, simply put, I'm afraid to let go. Maybe part of it is all the moving and transitioning that's been going on - maybe boys have been the constant. Maybe it relations to the relationship I've had with my own Father. A very wise man once told me that I allow my earthly relationships to shape/determine the way I view God.
Hardell told me, that no body is good at everything. Even in school, the smartest person will struggle in one subject. So why, do i expect myself to be good at everything in life? There are areas that I need help in. That I need to just lay down in front of God and admit how lost I am. How tired I am of rolling around in my own mess - and mean it.
Perspective
You have a way
of changing my perspective
that no one can ever duplicate
My safety net is gone
you have left me no choice
but to look to you
To show me that your hands hold me
your hands guide me
your hands will never let me fall
Your hands have always held me
I have never needed my safety net
I've only needed to trust you
And always you will be there
holding, loving, supporting
I'll never need anything else
Friday, December 26, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
lil tid bits
I've wanted and hoped for something insightful and meaningful to write about. But, in some ways I've been in a lul and in some ways my brain is going to fast for me to process it!!
I would say that the biggest thing I've been reminded of is holding my tongue. It's a very hard task for me, especially as Christmas is approaching. There is soo much that I don't agree with but I know that it's not worth the fight. I know that yelling, arguing and making my voice heard is not always the best things.
And 2 sermons that I've heard this week have talked about not just deciphering b/w good and bad but making decisions for what is best. One pastor talked about that as we mature we have to make decisions b/w good, better and best. Another pastor talked about Joesph in the Christmas story and that originally Joseph just wanted to make a good decision and quietly divorce Mary; but then God intervenes with an angel and shows Joseph what is courageous and the best decision to make.
So what sacrifices do I need to make in order to make courageous choices, to truely offer my best for God?
In all honesty, the fact that I've been unemployed often leaves me feeling like I have nothing to sacrifice, or to give. How easily we can forget that sacrifice is so much more - relationships, food, ways of thinking, bad habits, so much stuff. What is it that I hold on to, that I LOVE, that I want to keep but God would really prefer me to let go of.
I know part of it is relationships - dating relationships - but I'm still not sure how to do that.
I don't know how I'm being held back
I would say that the biggest thing I've been reminded of is holding my tongue. It's a very hard task for me, especially as Christmas is approaching. There is soo much that I don't agree with but I know that it's not worth the fight. I know that yelling, arguing and making my voice heard is not always the best things.
And 2 sermons that I've heard this week have talked about not just deciphering b/w good and bad but making decisions for what is best. One pastor talked about that as we mature we have to make decisions b/w good, better and best. Another pastor talked about Joesph in the Christmas story and that originally Joseph just wanted to make a good decision and quietly divorce Mary; but then God intervenes with an angel and shows Joseph what is courageous and the best decision to make.
So what sacrifices do I need to make in order to make courageous choices, to truely offer my best for God?
In all honesty, the fact that I've been unemployed often leaves me feeling like I have nothing to sacrifice, or to give. How easily we can forget that sacrifice is so much more - relationships, food, ways of thinking, bad habits, so much stuff. What is it that I hold on to, that I LOVE, that I want to keep but God would really prefer me to let go of.
I know part of it is relationships - dating relationships - but I'm still not sure how to do that.
I don't know how I'm being held back
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
People used to what??
I finally finished reading Exodus!! And started on Leviticus today :) So if I want to kill animals more than usual in the next few days, you can attribute it to that.
I began to read Leviticus and was kind of grossed out. God called people to kill an animal for a sin offering? With a much as people sin, I'm surprised there were any animals left. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about hunting, fishing and the like - but when we do it, we do it for food. On the other hand it's amazing that God would allow a person to sacrifice an animal in order to spare that person's life. That is love. (and people would have died out pretty quickly)
So as I was reading about sacrifices, I was thinking "God, thank you soo much that we don't have to do that anymore. It's a good thing you changed the policy." I tried to take the act of sacrificing animals and put it into our society - it was a funny picture.
I used to think that God changed the sacrificial act because people changed. Ya figure that God is all knowing, so he knew that things would be different, so he adjusted. But as soon as I thought that, my brain (or the Spirit inside me) went silly Denise, God doesn't adjust. God is the creator, while we are in our mother's wombs God gives us our talents, "wires" our brains, and places us in families. If God wanted people to live the same way the people in the old testament (or even the new testament) lived, He could have controlled that. One major change was when He provided for His son as a sacrifice, that changed people needing to sacrifice animals.
But, that thought really got me - if GOd wanted people to live as people lived in the Bible, he could have controlled that. We could still live in a world without technology, lights, structured housing, guns, and all the other stuff we have now. In fact, there are still places that do live like that. But the fact is that God did allow each generation to change - in some ways for the better, in some ways for worse. Just a thought
Even though the world has changed, and we no longer sacrifice animals, there's still a message for us in Leviticus and the OT books that speak of animal and grain sacrifices - it's just not literal. I mean, these are people who were willing to give the first of their herd/food not knowing when they might get another one. It's not like they could walk down the block, or across the country, to purchase food, or new animals (at least not during the book of Leviticus I don't think they could). These people were able to admit that they did something wrong, and make a public display of it by presenting a sacrifice. We don't even have to tell anyone - we can just pray silently. But are we willing to give something up when we sin? It's kind of like grounding yourself. We could not be able to go out to eat for a week b/c of a particular sin we commit - kind of like a fast. Even still, I think the people in the OT made a greater sacrifice b/c they could never get that animal back.
I began to read Leviticus and was kind of grossed out. God called people to kill an animal for a sin offering? With a much as people sin, I'm surprised there were any animals left. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about hunting, fishing and the like - but when we do it, we do it for food. On the other hand it's amazing that God would allow a person to sacrifice an animal in order to spare that person's life. That is love. (and people would have died out pretty quickly)
So as I was reading about sacrifices, I was thinking "God, thank you soo much that we don't have to do that anymore. It's a good thing you changed the policy." I tried to take the act of sacrificing animals and put it into our society - it was a funny picture.
I used to think that God changed the sacrificial act because people changed. Ya figure that God is all knowing, so he knew that things would be different, so he adjusted. But as soon as I thought that, my brain (or the Spirit inside me) went silly Denise, God doesn't adjust. God is the creator, while we are in our mother's wombs God gives us our talents, "wires" our brains, and places us in families. If God wanted people to live the same way the people in the old testament (or even the new testament) lived, He could have controlled that. One major change was when He provided for His son as a sacrifice, that changed people needing to sacrifice animals.
But, that thought really got me - if GOd wanted people to live as people lived in the Bible, he could have controlled that. We could still live in a world without technology, lights, structured housing, guns, and all the other stuff we have now. In fact, there are still places that do live like that. But the fact is that God did allow each generation to change - in some ways for the better, in some ways for worse. Just a thought
Even though the world has changed, and we no longer sacrifice animals, there's still a message for us in Leviticus and the OT books that speak of animal and grain sacrifices - it's just not literal. I mean, these are people who were willing to give the first of their herd/food not knowing when they might get another one. It's not like they could walk down the block, or across the country, to purchase food, or new animals (at least not during the book of Leviticus I don't think they could). These people were able to admit that they did something wrong, and make a public display of it by presenting a sacrifice. We don't even have to tell anyone - we can just pray silently. But are we willing to give something up when we sin? It's kind of like grounding yourself. We could not be able to go out to eat for a week b/c of a particular sin we commit - kind of like a fast. Even still, I think the people in the OT made a greater sacrifice b/c they could never get that animal back.
Monday, December 8, 2008
unfamiliar territory
I heard something last week that struck me as not right - or it's possible that I misunderstood.
The verse used was Revelation 19:10 which in the NIV reads "At this I fell at his feet to worship him. But he said to me, 'Do not do it! I am a fellow servant with you and with your brothers who hold to the testimony of Jesus. Worship God! For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.'"
What was brought up was "For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy" with the implication (I believe) that our {believers} testimony to Jesus is our gift of prophecy. And I was going to just agree to disagree with what I heard because - in all honesty - the book of Revelation scares me a little bit. But, I was feeling ambitious, and I opened my Bible up and read the context around the verse and that didn't particularly help me. And because I really don't believe that we all have the gift of prophecy
I went to scripture4all.com and read the broken english word for word translation from the greek, "infront of the him be you seeing! fellow slave breathern the ones having testimony the worship with you. testimony prophecy" Which also didn't help much. So out came the commentaries, different bible translations and re reading of the scripture.
THe New Living Translation provided insight for me "Then I fell down at his feet to worship him, but he said, “No, don’t worship me. I am a servant of God, just like you and your brothers and sisters who testify about their faith in Jesus. Worship only God. For the essence of prophecy is to give a clear witness for Jesus.”
I also read that the last part of the verse could mean that Jesus' life was a prophetic message, simply meaning that the Gospels (the testimony of Jesus) were written/lived in a spirit of prophecy.
I haven't gotten more personal insight on this verse but I just don't think it is about people giving prophecies of things to come.
The verse used was Revelation 19:10 which in the NIV reads "At this I fell at his feet to worship him. But he said to me, 'Do not do it! I am a fellow servant with you and with your brothers who hold to the testimony of Jesus. Worship God! For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.'"
What was brought up was "For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy" with the implication (I believe) that our {believers} testimony to Jesus is our gift of prophecy. And I was going to just agree to disagree with what I heard because - in all honesty - the book of Revelation scares me a little bit. But, I was feeling ambitious, and I opened my Bible up and read the context around the verse and that didn't particularly help me. And because I really don't believe that we all have the gift of prophecy
I went to scripture4all.com and read the broken english word for word translation from the greek, "infront of the him be you seeing! fellow slave breathern the ones having testimony the worship with you. testimony prophecy" Which also didn't help much. So out came the commentaries, different bible translations and re reading of the scripture.
THe New Living Translation provided insight for me "Then I fell down at his feet to worship him, but he said, “No, don’t worship me. I am a servant of God, just like you and your brothers and sisters who testify about their faith in Jesus. Worship only God. For the essence of prophecy is to give a clear witness for Jesus.”
I also read that the last part of the verse could mean that Jesus' life was a prophetic message, simply meaning that the Gospels (the testimony of Jesus) were written/lived in a spirit of prophecy.
I haven't gotten more personal insight on this verse but I just don't think it is about people giving prophecies of things to come.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Sunday Mornin' : Unhindered Worship, Church of Coffee, and Supersized Church
This morning was amazing! I went to 2 different churches, and began to feel a sense of belonging. While I was at the churches, I was able to really worship. I was THAT person, that wasn't afraid to sing loudly, to throw my hands up, and move a lil as i worshiped the God I love. It was just such an awesome feeling, that I needed to share it :) To sing songs in the morning and mean every word I said. It was just awesome!! And the second church sang two of my favorite songs - Days of Elijah - and another one that I can't remember the name of but it rocks!
As I've been trying different churches, I've walked into many worship services and seen many a coffee cups/mugs/drinkers. Let me say that I LOVE coffee, at times - it's been an addiction. And I enjoy a casual - not uptight/formal church atmosphere. But something inside of me churns when I see people with their coffee cups inside a worship service. I wonder if it's something I got growing up in a Catholic Church - that I see the Church as the House of God. Now, as I've developed my relationship with God I realize that he dwells within each one of us and that "the church" is the people not the building. However, the intention of going to church is to worship God and have fellowship with believers and to learn more about God. I guess in my mind I think that a person can wait an hour to drink coffee (or even eat) til after a service. Maybe that's just a small pet peeve of mine. But if starbucks, or caribou, or any sort of coffee shop opened up next door to a church - I believe they would make a lot of money :)
In addition, most of the churches that I've been going to are HUGE mega churches. Maybe mega churches taking over is a way that the body of believers will unit because with less churches, the people will be closer. But it just amazes me that the church i went to today was the size of a middle school. I just hope that these churches are actually using the space they have created. Many of these large churches have small groups to get plugged into, I think. When I was thinking about these large churches I thought of some parables - the lost coin, sheep and something else. When Jesus says that a Shepard will leave the flock in one place to go off and search for the one that is wondering. I just wonder in big churches if they have a system in place (enough small groups, contacts, other people greeting and connecting people) where they know if a member or 20 members leave or are wandering. I'm not accusing them of not doing that - I'm just curious.
But all in all I had an amazing experience at church this morning - and am very thankful to have found the churches I found today :) Praise God for all the work he has done in my life!!
As I've been trying different churches, I've walked into many worship services and seen many a coffee cups/mugs/drinkers. Let me say that I LOVE coffee, at times - it's been an addiction. And I enjoy a casual - not uptight/formal church atmosphere. But something inside of me churns when I see people with their coffee cups inside a worship service. I wonder if it's something I got growing up in a Catholic Church - that I see the Church as the House of God. Now, as I've developed my relationship with God I realize that he dwells within each one of us and that "the church" is the people not the building. However, the intention of going to church is to worship God and have fellowship with believers and to learn more about God. I guess in my mind I think that a person can wait an hour to drink coffee (or even eat) til after a service. Maybe that's just a small pet peeve of mine. But if starbucks, or caribou, or any sort of coffee shop opened up next door to a church - I believe they would make a lot of money :)
In addition, most of the churches that I've been going to are HUGE mega churches. Maybe mega churches taking over is a way that the body of believers will unit because with less churches, the people will be closer. But it just amazes me that the church i went to today was the size of a middle school. I just hope that these churches are actually using the space they have created. Many of these large churches have small groups to get plugged into, I think. When I was thinking about these large churches I thought of some parables - the lost coin, sheep and something else. When Jesus says that a Shepard will leave the flock in one place to go off and search for the one that is wondering. I just wonder in big churches if they have a system in place (enough small groups, contacts, other people greeting and connecting people) where they know if a member or 20 members leave or are wandering. I'm not accusing them of not doing that - I'm just curious.
But all in all I had an amazing experience at church this morning - and am very thankful to have found the churches I found today :) Praise God for all the work he has done in my life!!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Gifts VS Fruits
I have a lot of questions, thoughts, ideas and what not floating around in my head right now. I'm not doubting, just sorting threw a lot of big/new ideas/schemas that God has placed before me. I've been going to a Bible study on Friday nights that is based out of a more charismatic church. It is just creating a desire for me to understand the Bible more for myself. And for anyone that does read what I write, I apologize if my writing is not as followable - it's a result of the multiple things going on in my mind.
When I started to look for verses on spiritual gifts I came across 1 Corinthians 12 when Paul is telling the church of Corinth that there are different gifts but they come from the same Spirit. Paul then goes on to give a list of possible spiritual gifts, and makes the analogy to a physical human body. I realize that this is not the only scripture that references spiritual gifts. When I did a search and pulled out my spiritual gifts book I was also directed towards 1Peter 4, 1 Corinthians 13-14, Ephesians 3, Ephesians 4:11 and Romans 12:6-8. It intrigues me that there is no one complete list of the gifts in the Bible. But I also noticed that when gifts are mentioned it's always with an "or". Never is it implied that everyone is to be able to do whatever list is given to them. God created us, and He knows what we will be able to best do. God gives each person a different gift, that He provides us with the power to do in order to further His Kingdom. I think my favorite verse is
Romans 12:6 "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us"! To me, that's saying that there are many different gifts, we each have different gifts, and that God equips us to use our gifts, that HE has given us!! That's like getting the toy, with all the right parts, having the directions and being told the best way to play with it :)
I know that people have debated on how many actual spiritual gifts there are, and different spiritual gifts test have varying list lengths. The book I used (which I loved) "Discovering your Spiritual Gifts" by C.Peter Wagner uses 28 gifts: prophecy, service, teaching, exhortation, giving, leadership, mercy, wisdom, knowledge, faith, healing, miracles, discerning of Spirits, Tongues, Interpreting tongues, Apostle, Helps, Administration, Evangelist, Pastor, Celibacy, Voluntary poverty, martyrdom, missionary, hospitality, intercession, deliverance and Leading worship.
The other day I was praying I was thinking about the fruits of the Spirit. I couldn't remember all of them so I looked it up Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." And then I proceeded to think of the verses in Matthew 7 which talk about recognizing a person by their fruits. They also come up in Mark, Luke and John. Jesus said that those who bear no fruit will be cut off the vine and thrown into the fire. (John 15:2). So, if we are expressing/producing the fruit of the Spirit then we are not abiding in Jesus' vine. To me, this says that the fruits of the spirit are essential to our walk with Christ. These fruits of the spirit are what set Christians apart from the world, they are what let people know that we have Jesus. There's also no "or" this is a list in it's entirety, a list that we are all supposed to work on having. And if God is going to throw us into the fire if we are not exhibiting these characteristics (or at the very least honestly trying) it would seem pretty darn important!
*Side note* this verse also reminded me of what I've been working on doing around my house. About how to give God praise and glory with all my heart. If I practice having/doing Galatians 5:22-23 with the people I interact with, I will be bringing God praise and glory *end of side note*
I think I said ALL of that just to say this - The fruits of the Spirit is what ALL Christians are to have. But there is no one person that has ALL of the gifts ever mentioned in the Bible; nor is there one gift that ALL believers have.
*I guess there's the long round about what of how I got to my simple three line thought*
When I started to look for verses on spiritual gifts I came across 1 Corinthians 12 when Paul is telling the church of Corinth that there are different gifts but they come from the same Spirit. Paul then goes on to give a list of possible spiritual gifts, and makes the analogy to a physical human body. I realize that this is not the only scripture that references spiritual gifts. When I did a search and pulled out my spiritual gifts book I was also directed towards 1Peter 4, 1 Corinthians 13-14, Ephesians 3, Ephesians 4:11 and Romans 12:6-8. It intrigues me that there is no one complete list of the gifts in the Bible. But I also noticed that when gifts are mentioned it's always with an "or". Never is it implied that everyone is to be able to do whatever list is given to them. God created us, and He knows what we will be able to best do. God gives each person a different gift, that He provides us with the power to do in order to further His Kingdom. I think my favorite verse is
Romans 12:6 "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us"! To me, that's saying that there are many different gifts, we each have different gifts, and that God equips us to use our gifts, that HE has given us!! That's like getting the toy, with all the right parts, having the directions and being told the best way to play with it :)
I know that people have debated on how many actual spiritual gifts there are, and different spiritual gifts test have varying list lengths. The book I used (which I loved) "Discovering your Spiritual Gifts" by C.Peter Wagner uses 28 gifts: prophecy, service, teaching, exhortation, giving, leadership, mercy, wisdom, knowledge, faith, healing, miracles, discerning of Spirits, Tongues, Interpreting tongues, Apostle, Helps, Administration, Evangelist, Pastor, Celibacy, Voluntary poverty, martyrdom, missionary, hospitality, intercession, deliverance and Leading worship.
The other day I was praying I was thinking about the fruits of the Spirit. I couldn't remember all of them so I looked it up Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." And then I proceeded to think of the verses in Matthew 7 which talk about recognizing a person by their fruits. They also come up in Mark, Luke and John. Jesus said that those who bear no fruit will be cut off the vine and thrown into the fire. (John 15:2). So, if we are expressing/producing the fruit of the Spirit then we are not abiding in Jesus' vine. To me, this says that the fruits of the spirit are essential to our walk with Christ. These fruits of the spirit are what set Christians apart from the world, they are what let people know that we have Jesus. There's also no "or" this is a list in it's entirety, a list that we are all supposed to work on having. And if God is going to throw us into the fire if we are not exhibiting these characteristics (or at the very least honestly trying) it would seem pretty darn important!
*Side note* this verse also reminded me of what I've been working on doing around my house. About how to give God praise and glory with all my heart. If I practice having/doing Galatians 5:22-23 with the people I interact with, I will be bringing God praise and glory *end of side note*
I think I said ALL of that just to say this - The fruits of the Spirit is what ALL Christians are to have. But there is no one person that has ALL of the gifts ever mentioned in the Bible; nor is there one gift that ALL believers have.
*I guess there's the long round about what of how I got to my simple three line thought*
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Praise
Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave. -Psalm 86: 11-13-
Three verses of complete power, so much that I stuttered, I needed to hear all of that. I need an undivided heart, I need to fear His name more, I need to praise and glorify His name, and I needed to be reminded that I was pulled from the depths of the grave.
Verse 12 stayed with me a little longer - I will PRAISE you, O Lord my God, with ALL MY HEART; I will GLORIFY your name FOREVER. What would that really look like? There's always verbal praise, verbal glory that we can give to God as we pray and go about our day. But just yesterday I read about God calling us to be do-ers of the His word (james 1:22-25, Luke 6:46-49). So, I wonder, how can I praise and glorify God with my actions.
It's been rough on me not having any job, and not having much to do while I wait on people to call me back. And I think, actually I know that I have wasted a lot of time. Of course, it's okay for me to relax, but not to be a complete bum. God has given me all this time that I could/should be using to learn more about HIM, to draw close to HIM - that would bring HIM a lot of glory. And if I was learning more about Him, I would probably be praising Him more. AND, if I was spending time in His word, I wouldn't be as tempted to make poor choices!!
I also know that I've had a poopy attitude at home. I don't try to, it just happens. When i try and talk, I sound agitated, or I have a blank look on my face, or I don't want to tell them anything. It's hard to have conversations with my family, and many of the conversations are heart breaking: either bad news, or how my sister doesn't care about God, or gossip, etc etc. However, this is the place that God brought me back to. I don't know if I'll be leading them in salvation prayers but it hit me today that my actions/attitudes can lead them to question my lifestyle. Of course it's hard, but it would bring God glory.
Today I remembered teaching the kids in macomb about Jesus and how he used to water to wash his disciples feet. And my challenge to them was to do something nice for someone that they wouldn't normally do. To empty the dishwasher for mom, or help a sibling with a chore even if it wasn't their turn. I think I need to take my own advice. If I'm going to be home all day there's no reason I can't do a laundry check, get that ironing done that's been sitting there since last week, wash the dishes, put away the dishes, vacuum, clean windows, take out the trash, go grocery shopping and the list goes on and on. Now, i do some of these things, but nearly as much as I could do (especially being that I am home all day).
It also struck me that in verse 12 he talks about praising with ALL of his heart. David didn't want to just give part of his heart to God, but wanted to give him thanks with everything he had. How often do I feel my heart and my life divided into so many different parts and places. I know some people focus on our humanity, and will say that we can never praise with ALL our heart. And that may be the case, but you'll never know if you don't try. If we only do what we think we can do, we are putting God in a box, and not trusting that He can do so much with out lives if we just give them over to Him. In the spirit of Christmas, it's like wanting to find the perfect gift for someone but fearing that you will not find it. So instead of getting them something, or trying to look for it, you give them nothing instead. I wonder if that's how God looks at it? If we only give half our heart, if it really comes across as nothing? Or maybe it comes off as luke warm (revelations).
Again -Psalm 86:11-13)
Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
PS If you could join me in praying about God's will/direction for my life, that would be much appreciated. I should hear back from Mooseheart this week.
Three verses of complete power, so much that I stuttered, I needed to hear all of that. I need an undivided heart, I need to fear His name more, I need to praise and glorify His name, and I needed to be reminded that I was pulled from the depths of the grave.
Verse 12 stayed with me a little longer - I will PRAISE you, O Lord my God, with ALL MY HEART; I will GLORIFY your name FOREVER. What would that really look like? There's always verbal praise, verbal glory that we can give to God as we pray and go about our day. But just yesterday I read about God calling us to be do-ers of the His word (james 1:22-25, Luke 6:46-49). So, I wonder, how can I praise and glorify God with my actions.
It's been rough on me not having any job, and not having much to do while I wait on people to call me back. And I think, actually I know that I have wasted a lot of time. Of course, it's okay for me to relax, but not to be a complete bum. God has given me all this time that I could/should be using to learn more about HIM, to draw close to HIM - that would bring HIM a lot of glory. And if I was learning more about Him, I would probably be praising Him more. AND, if I was spending time in His word, I wouldn't be as tempted to make poor choices!!
I also know that I've had a poopy attitude at home. I don't try to, it just happens. When i try and talk, I sound agitated, or I have a blank look on my face, or I don't want to tell them anything. It's hard to have conversations with my family, and many of the conversations are heart breaking: either bad news, or how my sister doesn't care about God, or gossip, etc etc. However, this is the place that God brought me back to. I don't know if I'll be leading them in salvation prayers but it hit me today that my actions/attitudes can lead them to question my lifestyle. Of course it's hard, but it would bring God glory.
Today I remembered teaching the kids in macomb about Jesus and how he used to water to wash his disciples feet. And my challenge to them was to do something nice for someone that they wouldn't normally do. To empty the dishwasher for mom, or help a sibling with a chore even if it wasn't their turn. I think I need to take my own advice. If I'm going to be home all day there's no reason I can't do a laundry check, get that ironing done that's been sitting there since last week, wash the dishes, put away the dishes, vacuum, clean windows, take out the trash, go grocery shopping and the list goes on and on. Now, i do some of these things, but nearly as much as I could do (especially being that I am home all day).
It also struck me that in verse 12 he talks about praising with ALL of his heart. David didn't want to just give part of his heart to God, but wanted to give him thanks with everything he had. How often do I feel my heart and my life divided into so many different parts and places. I know some people focus on our humanity, and will say that we can never praise with ALL our heart. And that may be the case, but you'll never know if you don't try. If we only do what we think we can do, we are putting God in a box, and not trusting that He can do so much with out lives if we just give them over to Him. In the spirit of Christmas, it's like wanting to find the perfect gift for someone but fearing that you will not find it. So instead of getting them something, or trying to look for it, you give them nothing instead. I wonder if that's how God looks at it? If we only give half our heart, if it really comes across as nothing? Or maybe it comes off as luke warm (revelations).
Again -Psalm 86:11-13)
Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
PS If you could join me in praying about God's will/direction for my life, that would be much appreciated. I should hear back from Mooseheart this week.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)