Music

I love music! I have a wide array of music, and I'm almost always listening to it!! Christian music is wonderful, it can portray some amazing messages and concepts. Often times it can move me into a place of worship. But I also get that from "non-christian" music. I often strive to find meaning, hope and "Jesus messages" from main stream music. I believe that people would be surprised what they find if they just flip the radio station. Anyway I got home today and turned on my ipod and I heard "bring me to life" by evanescence - the song struck me so hard all I could do was listen. For some reason Evanescence's songs have the ability to do that, they carry such powerful messages that can so easily describe the love of God!! As I listened to "Bring me to Life" I found it being my cry to God. So here are the lyrics:

Bring Me To Life

How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
Without a soul
My spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and
lead It back home

(wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I Can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I Can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

(wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I Can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I Can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life

Frozen inside without your touch without you love
Darling only you are the light among the dead

All of this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought without a voice without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life

(wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I Can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I Can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life

And the link to hear it, if you would like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emC15LJAjhc&feature=PlayList&p=C0667AF4F7B31473&playnext=1&index=6

Picture Tag

I was tagged by Angie and these are the instructions she gave:
1. Go to your photo folders and open the 4th folder.
2. Choose the 4th photo.
3. Explain the photo.
4. Tag 4 other people!



This is from February 2006. Andrew, John and I were sitting at a stake & shake up in the gurnee area. I think I was getting bored as andrew and john were talking and I started to make fish faces. I'm sure there is more to the story of the picture but that is all I remember. It was an adventurous trip all in all. Andrew and I had gotten lost on the way to going to a small church to see anavox play. Then we met John for stake & shake afterwards - very interesting.

I tag: Joe Moses, and anyone that reads my blog today

sinking sand

"On Christ this solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
all other ground is sinking sand"

Wouldn't it be great if that was truly the truth? That verse rolled through my head the other day, and i laughed. How horrible, I know. I feel into the sinking sand this last week though - I saw the rock, and I turned away.

It's more like on Christ this solid rock - I have planted my foot. Not in the middle though, where it is totally secure, no of course not. It's more on the edge- closest to the sinking sand. So for a while it was how close can I get to the sinking sand without actually being in the sinking sand. Once I got there, I just dipped my hand in the sinking sand; but only for a little while.
But last week, last week was something special. Last week was, on this solid rock there is my foot, but only my foot. THe rest of me was trying to take a swim in this sinking sand. For an entire day I laid in the sinking sand with a foot on the rock. And for the entire next day I just laid between the rock and the sinking sand straining to find the energy to pull myself back up. Then I finally did.

A couple of my friends really helped out by speaking truths to me - many hard ones that i didn't want to hear- but truths nonetheless. As I began to come back to myself, I started to think about the danger of living on the edge; of being able to be on the rock but still see the sinking sand - to feel it's coolness and it's power of sucking. The best way to avoid the sinking sand is to be in the middle of the rock; or, to let the rock be my center.
I mean seriously, adam and eve lived in the perfect world with nothing wrong, not pornography, no drugs, no nothing. Then one day, this one serpent comes along and throws them off kilter. They didn't even know that life could be any other way. THen there is the world today - with everything wrong, so many paths. Temptation is around every corner, earhtly life is possible without God. So, if Adam and Eve were with GOd every day even though they weren't daily tempted - why in the world do I think that I can make it, in a world saturated with temptation if I am not daily seeking out God?? I can't, no one can! If anything, I need to be in it more than once daily. reading chunks of it at a time. Taking seperate time to meditate. But, no longer can it just be some other part of my day. It needs to BE MY DAY!

security

Sunday's sermon centered around how committed God is to us. Even after Adam & Eve ate the fruit they were forbidden to eat, and were trying to cover up their weaknesses/wrong doing because they were afraid to let God see them like that - God still called out to them. In genesis 3 when God said "where are you", it's suggested that God was opening up an invitation of forgiveness. Even though Adam and Eve were removed from the garden, God did not entirely abandon them because God is committed to us. As God stated in Isaiah 41:10 -"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand". Reading that makes me feel silly for ever being afraid.

So all of sunday morning was about the fear of commitment. Being afraid to reach our and begin relationships, being afraid to commit to a marriage/friendship or a job. And I think i can say that I don't have a fear of commitment, as we think of it in the traditional sense: at least not a commitment to people. But I think I fear my commitment to God - not in the good way that draws me closer, but in the unhealthy was which pushes me away from God. And I fear committing to God because I fear letting go of my life - I like control.
Part of it is where I receive my security. I find security in friendships. I strive to be the best friend, it just makes me happy to be there for someone, it brings me joy to know that someone picked me first to help them - kinda childish/adolescent like, I know, but that's my friendship battle. I think it's getting better over time, but its still there sometimes. And I do think that i find my security and my self worth from my friendships. And I know that friendships are good, and healthy, and biblical BUT if that's what I'm worshipping then that's not right either. Or if fear what my friends think of me, that's not good either. I should fear nothing, other than God. Fear in that healthy way - that causes me to awe, obey, respect, worship and reverence :)


So - kind of a side bar - I love those conversations with people that you wish you could tape record because they were packed with soo much substance and truth and awesomeness. And you know that you will probably forget what you talked about but you really long to remember it because it was so awesome. I had one the other night. I was sharing with my friend about the church I had been to that morning and about the message that was shared. The message about fear. As I was sharing about what I had learned, he shared a story with me, and I'm going to share it with ya'll. One day, he was running on a track and as he was cooling down he was walking behind a woman. Some other guy was on the track, and started to walk next to this woman. He was hitting on her, and she just looked at this guy and said "I'm not interested, I'm married and I'm just not interested." Of course this guy was taken back, and was like whats wrong with just walking and talking and blah blah blah. So again the woman was like "I'm just not interested." So, the guy gets ticked cuz he's totally been rejected. Instead of taking it like a man, he begins to criticize this woman on her appearance and such. And the woman just turns to him and says "I dont care what you think of me, my husband loves me, and that's all that matters to me." So as my friend was observing all of this - it clicked. That's the security that we are called to have in God. My friend and I are both visual learners, and this just painted a beautiful picture for me the other night.

fear

I think I have finally found a church, that has a young adults ministry I can be a part of. Sunday actually strarted off crappy. I didn't want to get out of bed - I had a hard time sleeping. I was supposed to get up at 7, go to a service at 8, and go to another church at 11 but I didn't get out of bed til 10. I barely made it out the door by 10:3o and I was cranky, all I wanted to do was sleep. But I get in my car, turn on my gps and start going to this church. Half way there my gps craps out!! I swear it said I had 2 miles left on a particular road, and then it said I passed my turn. Fine I make a U turn to find it, but it wasn't there. I started yelling at my gps and it re-routed me. It took me in the largest round about circle ever. I was 5 maybe even 10 minutes late as I pull into the parking lot. Like many churches I've atteneded this place is HUGE!! I'm directed in a place to park and then walk into the church - I think i was atleast 15 minutes late. I hate being late to church. I had missed most of the music worship :( Agitated I sit down in a seat, look around and realize this place is like a stinking auditorium and think to myself "great another place to be just a number". I then look straight ahead, up on the massive stage and see a statue of sorts. It's about - 10 feet tall. And it's the word "FEAR". I laugh, probably out loud, and people probably thought I had a few screws loose. But there it is, this statue, of the word "fear". The only word, mind you, that i haven't been able to get out of my head for the last couple weeks. I believe i wrote about it a few days ago. So I dismiss it - whatever, it's just a word. Well guess what the message was about?? Fear. And guess what the next 6 weeks worth of messages are going to be about?? Fear.
I begin to think that maybe there's something to this theme. As the pastor was talking, to an almost full auditorium (with 2 levels of seating) I suddenly don't feel like a number. He talks to the entire crowd as if he knows us (not them but us). I get this sense that he makes an effort to be more than just the man on the stage, preaching. His preaching reminds me of Jimmy, from california - I smile. The sing "unchanging" and I hear Tiago's voice singing along with them - my heart warms up. The service comes to a close, and the Pastor invites anyone that is new to the church to come meet him in the guest area. I think to myself "are you serious?". He was. i went to the guest area, and a wonderful lady met me at the table, and gave me a lil bag of goodies. The pastor is there to say hello, shake my hand, and give me a book. Ohh ya, guess what the book was about?? You got it - Fear- 40 days of reflections about fear and how to be fearless. At this point, I don't think God could have spoken anymore clearly.

So during the service, he spoke of the fear of commitment. I think I'll write another post about it this week. But what hit me the most was this: when we think we fear commitment, we need to remember how committed God already is to us. So that our security should come from no other place. THe pastor said, that's the thing that allows him to risk building new friendships with people he meets. And to work on being committed to being committed.

The great commission

Last week I was visiting a church - as I've been known to do these days - and I heard a sermon about the church being sent out. I was real excited about the title of the sermon, and looking forward to the message - and it was a good message. But have you ever listened to a sermon (or a any speach) and known it was good but at the end you still weren't sure what the speaker was trying to get at?? That's how I felt last sunday.
The person speaking was looking at the passage John 20:19-23 - when Jesus first appears to his apostles after his death/resurection and he gives them peace, says "as the father has sent me, I am sending you" and breathes the holy spirit on them. I had never thought of this verse as the great commission - as it is not the one traditionally used. But the thing that got me was what he said afterwards. He said that american christians are the only christians who replace the "you" in the Bible with their name (ie "as the father has sent me, I am sending Denise"). Okay, fine, americans do weird things. But he brought up how this particular "you" is more of a ya'll - as it is referring to all those in the room where Jesus appeared. So the pastor's claim was that the church is sent, not individual people.
And I do agree, the entire body of believers is called to go out and do the work of Christ - not just a few people in the church. On the other hand, unless each individual in a church goes out, the whole church doesn't go out. Without each person feeling responsible and doing something - the whole church won't do anything. Does that make sense? It does in my head.

So anyway, like i said - I think the speaker was trying to say something bigger but i just didn't get it. The rest of the message had to do with the church being the church and letting the world be the world; and being a people that relationally engage the gospel.

My favorite part is probably when he spoke about how we've professionalized the church.

anyway - I've run across some lists of scriptures i made a couple years ago, and I'm trying to figure out what I wanted to do with them. So, if youdon't see me write about them in the next few weeks - someone buzz me an e-mail and remind me to stop procrastinating :)