security

Sunday's sermon centered around how committed God is to us. Even after Adam & Eve ate the fruit they were forbidden to eat, and were trying to cover up their weaknesses/wrong doing because they were afraid to let God see them like that - God still called out to them. In genesis 3 when God said "where are you", it's suggested that God was opening up an invitation of forgiveness. Even though Adam and Eve were removed from the garden, God did not entirely abandon them because God is committed to us. As God stated in Isaiah 41:10 -"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand". Reading that makes me feel silly for ever being afraid.

So all of sunday morning was about the fear of commitment. Being afraid to reach our and begin relationships, being afraid to commit to a marriage/friendship or a job. And I think i can say that I don't have a fear of commitment, as we think of it in the traditional sense: at least not a commitment to people. But I think I fear my commitment to God - not in the good way that draws me closer, but in the unhealthy was which pushes me away from God. And I fear committing to God because I fear letting go of my life - I like control.
Part of it is where I receive my security. I find security in friendships. I strive to be the best friend, it just makes me happy to be there for someone, it brings me joy to know that someone picked me first to help them - kinda childish/adolescent like, I know, but that's my friendship battle. I think it's getting better over time, but its still there sometimes. And I do think that i find my security and my self worth from my friendships. And I know that friendships are good, and healthy, and biblical BUT if that's what I'm worshipping then that's not right either. Or if fear what my friends think of me, that's not good either. I should fear nothing, other than God. Fear in that healthy way - that causes me to awe, obey, respect, worship and reverence :)


So - kind of a side bar - I love those conversations with people that you wish you could tape record because they were packed with soo much substance and truth and awesomeness. And you know that you will probably forget what you talked about but you really long to remember it because it was so awesome. I had one the other night. I was sharing with my friend about the church I had been to that morning and about the message that was shared. The message about fear. As I was sharing about what I had learned, he shared a story with me, and I'm going to share it with ya'll. One day, he was running on a track and as he was cooling down he was walking behind a woman. Some other guy was on the track, and started to walk next to this woman. He was hitting on her, and she just looked at this guy and said "I'm not interested, I'm married and I'm just not interested." Of course this guy was taken back, and was like whats wrong with just walking and talking and blah blah blah. So again the woman was like "I'm just not interested." So, the guy gets ticked cuz he's totally been rejected. Instead of taking it like a man, he begins to criticize this woman on her appearance and such. And the woman just turns to him and says "I dont care what you think of me, my husband loves me, and that's all that matters to me." So as my friend was observing all of this - it clicked. That's the security that we are called to have in God. My friend and I are both visual learners, and this just painted a beautiful picture for me the other night.