An excerpt from the book I'm going thru
Nothing you do will cause God to love you more or less. God desires that your life is good, full and satisfying. But you can choose and empty, dry life. If you choose to walk away from God, He won't force you to stay. He will allow your decisions to have their full effect.
If you choose not to forgive, you will eventually become bitter
If you choose to continually pursue money, your life will be empty of meaning.
If you choose to use others, you will experience loneliness.
If you choose to walk away from God, you will live a life full of insecurity.
Most of us don't feel worthy to approach God, and we're not. The good thing is that God doesn't look for a perfect person, He looks for a humble heart.
*Fearless*
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
God just knew
It’s the small things. God knew what I needed.
Three ladies around a table. A conservative biology germ-aphobe. An engaged mathmetician. A double major “mom” to 7. What in the world could we possibly have in common? But they share 12 years of friendship that bears no end.
The last few weeks have been rough at work. Despite being surrounded by 7 kids all the time and I work with 2 other adults - sometimes, I still feel alone. The long nights at work, the early mornings to give medicines and the paperwork inbetween makes it hard to breathe let alone spend time with God. I try, I try so stinking hard but some days it just feels impossible.
I was going to go spend the night at a guy's house on my days off. I knew that if I went, we would watch some movies, we could cuddle and I could feel affection but i also knew what it would most likely led to. I was excited at the thrill but I was also disgusted that I had this craving for attention cuz this is a circle I keep traveling in. My friend worked til 6pm and I was thinking about takin' the drive out there nonetheless.
I was trying to nap and my phone rang, it was Kristi - reminding me that we had a lunch date - me, kristi & staci. We went to a nice lil tavern and just sat and talked. Then we went and had coffee & dessert at this nice lil coffee shop. We had the most awesome conversations. We were able to talk about God, and Staci's wedding coming up, and the family and the struggles we face. We started to share our dreams and what we want to do in life. I felt so revealed and energized. Beneath the surface we are 3 women who are passionate about life and who want to make a difference in the world and that long to be committed to God (even if I struggle a lot).
We were talking about relationships and I mentioned going b/w wanting to be married right now and not wanting a man to get in the way of my life. Staci wonderfully reminded me of what I secretly knew but didn't want to admit - that the right guy is the one who won't interfere with my dreams. I swear those were the most comforting words I've heard.
Then we decided to watch August Rush together - an amazing stinkin' movie.
All that to say, that God knew exactly what I needed today. My female friends are far and few between. My Christian friends are far and few between. God knew that I needed the reminder, that I needed to feel special today.
I love those two - we have such a special friendship. All the way back to 7th grade when we met because Kristi thought my name was Dennis. We hardly ever hung out with the same people, we were never in the same activities, or into the same sports. We have gone months without talking just cuz life got crazy BUT I know, without a doubt that they will always be there. And I think they know that I am always there for them - the best that I can be. I have learned so much from them and I am so thankful to have them in my life.
It's always nice to feel God's awesomeness, even in the small ways!!
Three ladies around a table. A conservative biology germ-aphobe. An engaged mathmetician. A double major “mom” to 7. What in the world could we possibly have in common? But they share 12 years of friendship that bears no end.
The last few weeks have been rough at work. Despite being surrounded by 7 kids all the time and I work with 2 other adults - sometimes, I still feel alone. The long nights at work, the early mornings to give medicines and the paperwork inbetween makes it hard to breathe let alone spend time with God. I try, I try so stinking hard but some days it just feels impossible.
I was going to go spend the night at a guy's house on my days off. I knew that if I went, we would watch some movies, we could cuddle and I could feel affection but i also knew what it would most likely led to. I was excited at the thrill but I was also disgusted that I had this craving for attention cuz this is a circle I keep traveling in. My friend worked til 6pm and I was thinking about takin' the drive out there nonetheless.
I was trying to nap and my phone rang, it was Kristi - reminding me that we had a lunch date - me, kristi & staci. We went to a nice lil tavern and just sat and talked. Then we went and had coffee & dessert at this nice lil coffee shop. We had the most awesome conversations. We were able to talk about God, and Staci's wedding coming up, and the family and the struggles we face. We started to share our dreams and what we want to do in life. I felt so revealed and energized. Beneath the surface we are 3 women who are passionate about life and who want to make a difference in the world and that long to be committed to God (even if I struggle a lot).
We were talking about relationships and I mentioned going b/w wanting to be married right now and not wanting a man to get in the way of my life. Staci wonderfully reminded me of what I secretly knew but didn't want to admit - that the right guy is the one who won't interfere with my dreams. I swear those were the most comforting words I've heard.
Then we decided to watch August Rush together - an amazing stinkin' movie.
All that to say, that God knew exactly what I needed today. My female friends are far and few between. My Christian friends are far and few between. God knew that I needed the reminder, that I needed to feel special today.
I love those two - we have such a special friendship. All the way back to 7th grade when we met because Kristi thought my name was Dennis. We hardly ever hung out with the same people, we were never in the same activities, or into the same sports. We have gone months without talking just cuz life got crazy BUT I know, without a doubt that they will always be there. And I think they know that I am always there for them - the best that I can be. I have learned so much from them and I am so thankful to have them in my life.
It's always nice to feel God's awesomeness, even in the small ways!!
captivating reflections
So my friend and I have been going thru the book Captivating. I was planning on writing about it as I read the chapters, but I feel like I've barely had time to sleep, let alone blog what I've been reading. The book I've been reading (Captivating) has been eye opening. The last 2 chapters I read talked about the wounds that women have. The author says that all women have wounds and that we learn about femininity from our parents - how they treat each other and how they treat us.
So I took a few moments to think about What are my wounds? How do I hide my femininity?
I learned that my mom held down the fort while dad made the money. That Dad loved us and mom. We all liked to play together and did so on weekends. I thought my sister was more loved but I wasn’t abandoned. It hurt that Dad wasn’t around BUT I’m pretty sure I always understood. We got to talk to him while he was at work
Even in high school Dad was around for all my events or atleast a lot of them. But then I was gone – working/volunteering and beginning to make my mark in the world. My mom was the authority figure and so we argued a lot. She worked and made dinner and the rules, but dad usually backed her. My Dad’s emotional absence may be a wound but he made it obvious that he cared for us. I guess my wounds stem from my dad not physically being present and maybe not having him to talk to as often as I’d like. And since I always argued with my mom, I felt/feel like I needed to turn to men. And my Dad’s over protectiveness has made me feel incapable/inferior and resulted in rebellion.
Somehow, I felt this overwhelming sensation that I needed to be a “man” in the house and hide my emotions.
But then I began to wonder: Can it really be that simple? Does it really matter?
What needs to happen now??
So I took a few moments to think about What are my wounds? How do I hide my femininity?
I learned that my mom held down the fort while dad made the money. That Dad loved us and mom. We all liked to play together and did so on weekends. I thought my sister was more loved but I wasn’t abandoned. It hurt that Dad wasn’t around BUT I’m pretty sure I always understood. We got to talk to him while he was at work
Even in high school Dad was around for all my events or atleast a lot of them. But then I was gone – working/volunteering and beginning to make my mark in the world. My mom was the authority figure and so we argued a lot. She worked and made dinner and the rules, but dad usually backed her. My Dad’s emotional absence may be a wound but he made it obvious that he cared for us. I guess my wounds stem from my dad not physically being present and maybe not having him to talk to as often as I’d like. And since I always argued with my mom, I felt/feel like I needed to turn to men. And my Dad’s over protectiveness has made me feel incapable/inferior and resulted in rebellion.
Somehow, I felt this overwhelming sensation that I needed to be a “man” in the house and hide my emotions.
But then I began to wonder: Can it really be that simple? Does it really matter?
What needs to happen now??
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