The battle continues

I finally had some time off on a real weekend to hang out with adults: ya know people my age, without having to watch children, people I didn't work with, and just like real people. Ohh my goodness I was soo stoked! Beyond stoked actually, I praised GOd for getting some time approved to have a portion of a social life - even if it was only for a couple hours - it was a couple hours more than usual. I went, I had a great time! I was strong - I didn't drink any alcohol, I didn't make out or anything with any of the guys (which is good cuz most of them were married lol)!! I did get a number though, and I got like a lil school girl.
We talked and all I could think of was "when is the other shoe going to drop"? I wanted so bad to be optimistic but in the back of my head were all these lies circulating. How disgusting, that I had to convince myself that I was worth someone's time, that I can be liked for who I am and not have to put out to gain attention and respect. Ughh, I felt like such a high school drama queen. It took a day for my nerves and anxiety to rear their way into conversations. I tried to pray but I couldn't find the words. So the gaurds went up - hard core! I could practically feel the cement growing. So just because I can't convince myself that I'm likeable I overkilled my chance for someone to even get to know me. THank you horrible self talk and satan for your lies.
But what is the lie? Do I really think that I'm not a likeable person?? I don't think that's the case because I have friends lol And I think that they atleast like me. God, what is this lie that has been created in me? I don't want to make satan smile, I don't want satan to gain an ounce back of all that I have taken back.
I try to pray and the words flee from me. Last night I pulled up Romans8:26 -In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. - And I began to read over it again and again. I received no words, but I felt a peace.
I feel worthless in my groans because they make no sense to me- but I pray that I remember the groans mean something to God and I pray for sensitive ears to hear what He has to say in response.