eat your words

Eat Your Words So, ya know that moment when you are sharing wisdom or advice with someone and it dawns on you that though you may be helping that person you were really talking to yourself? Ya, that happened to me today; and I could just feel God smiling and saying “if that’s what it takes to realize what I’ve been trying to say, then so be it” :) Ya know in that friendly and loving way not in a mean guilt ridden kind of way. So I was listening to a challenge/frustration that my friend had and felt prompted to share something that I feel like I might have learned. Turns out it’s something I’m still learning. What did I say? Well if you must know: There have been countless situations that to me seemed very logical and practical but have fallen through. In the end I realized I still want to give my plan to God and ask Him to bless it b/c I am terrified to wait to listen to Him. It's hard man, I wish I could say that it wasn't. But what I can encourage you with is that when we are willing to wait, the results are far greater than anything we could have planned ourselves. so if I may, I will pull out the mama card and give you a suggestion....Take some solid time doing something that allows you to hear God the best. Make an effort to rid yourself of distractions. And be willing to just be in His presence and listen. Some pretty solid words, right? Of course they are. So, why did they hit me so hard? Well, I’ve been having a small boxing match with God. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a do-er. I love being on the move, being involved and filling up my days. In addition, I feel like I have a HUGE dream to begin working out involving under resourced teens in aurora. As another friend gave me some practical steps to get this dream going I did not feel a complete peace about moving forward. Not to mention at the end of my summer I got this word “Don’t worry if they pace of your next season does not match the pace of this summer. God is not concerned about your speed but your depth and trust in Him.” So what have I been up to the last few weeks? Trying to figure out how quickly I can apply to grad school, where the best & closest schools are so that I can still work at Walgreens while I take classes, etc, etc, etc…Now I am no genius here, but it seems to me that I have created a divide or hypocrisy, if you will, about what I have said and what I am doing. All in all it reminded me to two bible passages today. Luke 10: 38-42 (the story of Mary & Martha) and Mark 14:1-9 (Jesus anointed at Bethany). Going back to school asap might be a really great idea and super practical but it might not be the best thing that I can do at this moment. In addition, God knows the youth that I want to reach and He knows that they are there; He also know that I can’t reach them without being rooted, solidly, in Him. The bottom line is, I don’t know the whole picture and I can’t see it like He can. So for as hard as it is I am going to eat my own words, trust Him, and actually listen to Him before I move. Maybe the plan will be the same or maybe it will be something completely different; that my friends is up to Him.