Hodge Podge of an over stimulated mind

It's been such an odd week. I've done a lot of processing, more than i think my brain can truly bear. I had a great talking with my friend Angie about latching on to guys and feeling lonely. And she reminded me that only God can truly fufill that loneliness and that it won't be easy. She also reminded me how important it is to be in prayer about it - to not latch on to guys and distort what is actually going on.

I also had the realization (all by myself) that I'm worth waiting for!! I've been paying better attention to the types of conversations that I have with guys. I told my other friend that I want a strong Christian man - Not some fake Christian, and no one is perfect - but a genuine believing strong leader. I know that sometimes I can be a strong woman and I know that I have worn the pants in most of my relationships. But I don't want to anymore. And I'm not going to make myself less strong just so that a guy can seem stronger. Something just clicked this week that God has a man for me, that will be a strong leader, that has been designed to fit me and I to fit him. Now, will that stop me from trying?? Maybe not lol but it has been making more cautious.

TOnight I finally created some time for myself and read in my Healing for Damaged Emotions book about grace and perfectionism. THe author talks about people who feel like God is a perfectionist and that they will never meet his approval. He brought up how grace is undeserved, yes, but it is a free gift bestowed upon us from God that He wants to give!!! Which just reminded me of Ephesians 2:8 8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast. ....Grace is just such an odd concept. I have a hard time with it from timeto time. I'm thankful that God forgives us and I believe that He does forgive me BUT I have a hard time accepting that. I still find myself thinking that I don't deserve it and then feeling bad about receiving this grace (which was given to me). And it's one of those things that I struggle with on earth as well = I have a hard time accepting things from people. Now I have gotten MUCH better with it over the years BUT it's still there.
THe end of the chapter is Matthew 11:28-30 and talking about how Jesus calls us to give us rest, to take his grace and allow our lives to be transformed.
Matthew 11:28-30 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I know that nothing will end over night, and I'm rejoicing in how far I have come but it's what's on my mind. I'm excited for the next chapter "THe process of the healing for perfectionism" and it starts with Isaiah 53:4-6, 12
4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, [a]
and he will divide the spoils with the strong, [b]
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

Prayer request of the week - that my brain stops being ADD long enough to hear God and relax in Him.