A New Connection

This last week has truly been something else. It has been smothered with newness, lessons and the unexpected: from births to deaths and accidents and failing health. It’s hard to see Jesus in the chaos, or to even remember that he exists; but this week was so different. Each phone call I received, each text message about the happenings in my friends’ lives drove me to intense prayer. Each prayer was so much more than words, something shifted in me every single time that I uttered words or groans to the Lord. I remember praying for a friend last week and just dropping to the floor in tears. I prayed until I felt something shift – maybe 20 or so minutes. It was almost like I felt the pain that He feels for these situations. It’s hard to put to words. But after multiple sets of bad news over a few days my heart ached and yet I had joy. I know that’s weird but I did. But I always felt the Spirit with me, whispering to me, and holding me.
God provided an opportunity for me to carry another’s burdens without my world crashing down. Sure it was hard, and sure I took on a few extra responsibilities to try and help; but for the first time in a LONG time I can say that I didn’t do any of it out of my own strength. I can’t believe how Christianese this might sound, but I did nothing without prayer. There were a few times that I tried, and I allowed worry and guilt to try and guide my actions and all the doors immediately closed.
A week has passed and not every situation is better, not everyone is back to 100%. There’s a million variables, the most important being the matters of a person’s heart, but I have a new sense of hope. I have a new connection with Jesus, one that was not built on knowledge, strategy, or a set of rules; rather it was built from acknowledging the still small voice, yielding to it, and spending time with him as I lifted the burdens of my life up to him.