My Testimony

I was baptized at St. Bernadine’s church when I was born, I went to my CCD classes…completed my First Communion, reconciliation and my first confirmation. I knew that there was a God and a guy names Jesus, but that was the end of what I believed. I was taught that as long as I was a pretty good person, and went to confessions that I would be allowed into heaven. Religion and church were never something we talked about. While I was in high school, my family and I had stopped going to church, none of my friends really went and I was afraid to go by myself. In high school I was not sure of who I really was, I felt as though I had to be a different person around different people. I was never sure how to handle my feelings and I was constantly searching for attention from the world. I often found myself in emotional pain, turmoil and I was sick of myself and this world. I was sick of living. I wanted to start over, I was sick of beating myself into the ground but I did not know how to change. The only way that I thought I could piece my life back together was through dying. I never thought that I would amount to much of anything – I felt like I was being dragged down. However, there was always something that told me to keep pushing forward, to try and look to the next day….to not be like those that had hurt me.

I went to WIU and I tried to find myself in the things of this world; drinking, smoking, a little pot, attention from people and a relationship that was not pleasing to God. All of these things helped me to have friends and people to talk to stuff about but they all left me feeing empty inside and each time I indulged myself, the emptier I felt. It made no sense, I volunteered, was in honors classes, had a loving boyfriend but I still was empty. In the Spring semester of 2004 I was taking a world religion class, working with the elderly and reading a book by the female Christian music therapist, DeForia Lane; between these three things I could tell that people who were in Christ were different. Christians were more whole and complete. Last summer I came to Grace church with the Rawleys. The Rawleys were a family that I had known since I was a freshman in high school and I saw that their life was different as well and it had never occurred to me to talk to them. Anyway, I began to talk to the Rawleys about God and Jesus. After Mr. Rawley explained to me what it meant to be a Christian and that Jesus was the sacrifice to end all sacrifices I began to put some pieces of my life together. I was lost, in pain and I NEEDED Jesus in my life- on August 20th, 2004 the night before I went back to school I repented of my sins and accepted Jesus into my life as my personal Savior and Lord.

I was nervous about going back to school and how I would become involved in Christian ministry. But God blessed me! One of my friends, Jasper introduced me to a girl, Michelle Tufano, who attended Western Illinois and she helped me to get involved with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. Through her I met other Christians to go to church with and worship the Lord with. Now, after 6 long years of searching for myself I have finally found peace. Peace in becoming the person that God created me to be and peace to be in a community that is bonded together through Christ Jesus. God has been there for me in good and bad times and I know that he was that light that was pushing me forward in those hard times. A verse that continually amazes me is II Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come! Jesus has allowed me to finally die-to die to my old ways and though of life. Not only has he let those die but he has blessed me in giving me something to turn to. He has totally provided for me. I am so blessed that he would deliver me from my sin and turn my emotional disaster of a life around to make me a child of his!!